You never loved me.
You only loved what I could give you.
So I gave… my time, my money, my career, my friends, my name…
the last drip-drop of my sanity.
I gave till I had one thing left, and I gladly gave you that.
I… I never loved you.
I loved the idea of you,
the one that would one day see me for me and love me crooked and all.
I loved the idea I projected onto you,
the one that bore me my 2nd son and daughters and built me a home for a life…
We were wed in purgatory,
a pair denied entry to both Heaven and Hell.
Give me something… a paper cut… anything.
Instead, nothing but stone-mother-cold-silence,
breeding the shadows and boarders of my now sunken place
breaching the cracks of my suppressed menstrual and mental cycles.
Walking shells we’ve become, with fancy clothes, florid smells, and smiles for exteriors, drowning time and faking gratitude.
But who am I to complain, for I have always known we were wrong for one another,
yet I remained and bred this monster that is us.
Knowingly fed and mothered that demented fuck, and for that I’m so sorry.